RTAH Saturday
Real, True, Actual Headlines
... and the comments that make no sense.
BBC.co.uk
Gazprom opens doors to foreigners
.. as long as they're juniors or seniors.
Jerusalem bans gay pride parade
"Look, Israelis and Palestinians hate each other already. If we also have to hate the gays, it just gets too complicated."
Record £4.9 m for Bacon portrait
A rasher price was paid for picture of eggs.
'Mammoth task' for new UUP (Ulster Unionist Party) leader
Pol taken aback at first, when he thinks they said "mammoth tusk."
MSNBC.com
Miss World wants to sue plastic surgeon
"Well, I won! What did I need him for?"
No Viagra for Medicare, Medicaid patients
New rules not hard on elderly, poor.
NYTimes.com
U.S. general sees no ebb in fight
Battles rage without electronic bulletin boards.
Poll shows modest change in levels of anti-U.S. mood
Radicals around the world no longer want to behead Americans, now only want to "chafe them severely."
Age 16 to 25? The Pentagon has your number, and more.
Older than 25? Younger than 16? I wouldn't relax quite yet.
When medical marijuana is misused
For example, if you eat the butts when you get the munchies.
Testing changes ordered after U.S. mad cow case
Unceasing testing of the "No Cow Left Behind" program finally sends one unlucky bovine over the edge.
Rain returns, and some clouds develop
Huh? Where did that rain come from?
RTAH Thursday
Real, True, Actual Headlines
... and the comments that make you wonder what the point is!
BBC
Japanese whaling 'science' rapped
All tapped out on themes such as ego trips, gang violence, and assualts on women, rappers focus on cetaceans.
MSNBC.com
TV shows as movies don't work
Not that that stops them from making them!
First month after heart attack riskiest
... excluding the month just before the attack, of course.
RTAH Wednesday
Real, True, Actual Headlines
... and the comments that leave you wondering.
BBC.co.uk
Israel cracks down befor summit
I don't care, the master's on his way!
'Infertility Time Bomb' warning
Will be used to combat 'Population Explosion.'
Juries face axe in fraud trials
As a result, they are really attentive to the judge's instructions.
US spyplane crashes in SW Asia
Recycled headlines are us.
Ketchup spat executive leaves job
Well, he should ... that's disgusting!
Italian stars slow to join Live 8
Sign up for concert from speeding Ferraris.
Tax credits backfire on families
You're not supposed to eat them!
MSNBC.com
Fight Alzheimers with active brain
Preferably, your own.
Reproductive tourism gaining popularity
... or, getting screwed on a travel deal.
Who are the foreign fighters in Iraq?
Uh, the U.S. Army, Navy, Marines, and Air Force?
Yanks explode in eighth inning
Horrified fans undergo couseling.
Common virus may kill cancer cells
So, forget all that stuff about staying home if you've got a cold.
RTAH Monday
Real, True, Actual Headlines
... and the comments that make them beg for mercy.
BBC.co.uk
Lebanon voters 'welcome change'
Votes apparently are much cheaper there than here.
CIA 'knows Bin Laden whereabouts'
1) But we just don't feel like capturing him right now, okay?
2) Somewhere in the mid-East, right?
3) But we're not tellin'.
Rice urges Egypt to extend change
To help with the Lebanon election, I guess?
Troubled EU leaders to meet Bush
Looking for guidance from the master on acting as if you don't give a crap what anyone else thinks.
Climate 'key to Africa future'
There would be much more tourism to see the Kalahari and the jungles if it were just cool and dry there!
MSNBC.com
Oil prices hit new all-time high
Headline uses extra superfluous redundancies!
Cablevision plans to take company private
Ooh! Where are they gonna take him? Disneyland?
DiCaprio hit with bottle at party
... and Crowe wasn't even there!
Cruise pranksters could face charges
1) "Face" charges, get it?
2) "We were only offering a tribute to 'Rainman,' faux reporter said."
3) "I couldn't resist ... he's such a squirt!"
Childhood influences may prevent dementia
Insanity is hereditary ... you get it from your kids.
NYTimes.com
New posts considered for U.S. commanders after abuse case
New posts! Oh, the humanity!
