My New Car
My New Car
You have perhaps heard the nerd brag that if cars had progressed as computers have, everyone could afford a $250 luxury sports sedan that went 500 mph at 150 mpg.
Okay, fine. But my new car will have other features now only found on my PC:
* It would take only a couple minutes after turning the keys to start.
* If I wanted to take another passenger for a ride, I'd simply buy another car.
* To apply the brakes, I would press the "start" button.
* After applying the brakes, in most cases, the car would stop after only a minute or two.
* But in some cases, instead of stopping, the car would let me know that it couldn't stop because it couldn't close the windows, which it couldn't do because the car was being shut down.
* After turning a corner, it might take a few seconds for all the buildings, traffic, and pedestrians to become visible. Maybe more, much more, if the street was busy.
* To open the glove compartment, I'd always have to insert my key, and also say out loud my mother's maiden name.
* After locking my car, it would always be possible to get in through the back door, where there would be a convenient stash of copies of all my keys - not only for the car, but also for my house, my bank, my office, and my secret diaries from junior high school.
* From time to time, my new car would simply stop suddenly. I've actually had a car or two that did this, but this new car would not only quit running, but the brakes and steering would quit at the same time, and the windsheild would turn blue.
* When entering the freeway, my new car might not be able to deal with the ramp I had chosen, so it would automatically drive around looking for another on-ramp to use.
* From time to time, the dashboard would display a message that my new car's manufacturer had designed a new, better engine with one additional freeze-plug, and would I like to have one installed before I drove down to the 7-11? And, if not, then the new engine would be automatically installed next time I started the car? Please wait while General Motors completes installation of your new engine!
* Which is important, because if my new car's engine were to fail, everything I had accomplished on any trip I had ever taken in my new car would be suddenly undone. Unless, of course, I had accomplished everything twice, using a second engine (not incldued.)
But this is not a fair comparison, I guess. Cars are only supposed to go anywhere at any time, after sitting out in wet, cold, or scorching hot weather. Whereas my computer has to survive the rigors of sitting on my desk in a heated, air conditioned office.
Hmm?
posted by Mique @ 9:47 AM
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