Claims to Fame, Dr. Science, and the Daylight Savings Crisis
Most people have a claim to fame. But, as in many things, I excel in this in that I have several claims to fame.
First and foremost, I bussed the table of the seven original astronauts when they had dinner at the Dublin House the night of the Air Force / Navy football game in the sixties. You may touch me. And as proof, I offer this: they were all pretty small guys.
Second, I served in the Air Force with a guy from New York who stepped on Danny Kaye's foot. Please, no autographs.
Thirdly, and perhaps most important because it reflects on a personal acheivement, I have had a submission answered on air by Dr. Science. My question was: "If werewolves are people who turn into wolves at night, what are warehouses?" His answer was that they were regular houses guarded by werewolves, which is not at all what I had presumed.
I had sent in several other questions, as I am by nature an inquisitive sort. One of my most sincere requests was this: I have participated in Daylight Saving Time for many years. I am approaching retirement, and I would like to know how to make a withdrawal."
As I am now actually retired, and in as much as Dr. Science did not deign to answer my question, I am faced yet again with a conundrum, or perhaps a quandary: Daylight Saving Time is scheduled to start yet again (against my better judgement, I might add) this Sunday morning. I don't know of any mechanism to exempt seniors from making the mandatory contributions to this madness, which I personally consider a sort of tempero-solar ponzi scheme, and, of course, there is no mechanism I know of to withdraw the thousands of hours of perfectly good daylight I have already contributed.
I at least would like to transfer to my daylight saving account the total of all the seconds saved by time-saving appliances and the more efficient routes through traffic advised by the KRDO Traffic Eye In The Sky, which I conservatively calculate as amounting to at least two days.
I had a friend in college who refused to participate in Daylight Saving Time. He refused to turn his clocks forawrd and back each year along with everyone else. During Spring and Summer, he just turned up everywhere an hour earlier than he had been doing. This seemed to me a pretty good solution ... the temporal equivalent of putting your money under your mattress, which recent history has shown can be a particularly astute investment idea.
I never had the guts to bug The System, however, as I was afraid that The Man would come and Take Me Away. So, I apparently have a Time Saving Account, but I seem to have lost my account number and PIN. I understand that this saved time is not actually available, anyway as additional time while I am still using regular time, as explained under IRS Rule A-24/7-365-DTS23/24.oo7. It has been explained to me that the only way I can have any saved-up time while I am still using regular time is by using twice as much at once by taking speed or meth, which I also understand can have severe withdrawal penalties.
But I wouldn't mind the extra sunshine at least, if that might be possible. This has become especially important now that we live part time in the Pacific Northwest.
Thank you for your interest.
posted by Mique @ 11:52 AM
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