Make No Assumptions
I think I've written in this space before about the signs on the back of the street-sweepers in Colorado Springs. They say something like "Danger: This Vehicle May Stop, Back Up, or Turn Left or Right At Any Time Without Warning." What is a rational reaction to a sign like this? My analysis of that sign is, if you're in traffic and close enough behind the street-sweeper to read it, the only rational thing to do is stop your car immediately, get out, and leave the state.
I was put in mind of these signs when I heard again last night on television the phrase "you should make no assumptions." I have confronted that advice several times in my life, and I always roll my eyes inwardly when it comes up. Inwardly, because when I've heard it said in my own real life, the person saying it is invariably someone with decisive authroity over me who would not take actual eye-rolling cheerfully. My Teacher. My boss. My drill instructor.
Really? Make no assumptions? Am I to start every day as if I were an infant again, and ignore all that I have learned about my environment to date? Should I cling to my bed in terror that gravity might no longer be in force? Will my shoes burst into flames soon? If I combed my hair differently, could I see out of the eye in the back of my head?
Or maybe I'm being too literal, and what they really mean is that I should make no assumptions about whatever it is that they're talking about specifically? Like, I should make no assumptions about (in the case of the television cop show) the nature of good and evil, the location of the police department headquarters, the safety or effectiveness of my sidearm, whether these stairs I'm running up are well-nailed-down, that my partner will understand me if I continue to speak in English, and so on, ad infinitum.
It's a ridiculous thing to say. Of course we have to make assumptions, or we could only stop in place and drool quietly with a quizzical look on our collective faces.
What is meant by the person saying "make no assumptions" is this: "If this fails, I will point out the incorrect assumption you made which led to failure and remind you that I said not to make any assumptions, thus placing the blame entirely on you for your refusal to follow my good advice." Everyone instictively knows this, and therefore realizes that when they hear the instruction "make no assumptions," they have just been passed the lit stick of dynamite.
This falls into the category of common phrases that we grudgingly accept because they are far too well rooted in our language to be excised now, but which we also all know to be both logically impossible, and politically necessary.
Another, maybe more common example, is the demand that one give no less than 110%. This is used mostly in sports. It is a common training method for a runner to train to run as fast as he can, then be paired with a pacer who can run faster, and with whom the runner in training then is expected to keep up. That this works makes it apparent that one of two things must be true: either the runner was previously dogging it and was not, in fact, running as fast as he could before, or now he is giving 110%. You can see that, given that choice, the 110% thing can get good traction. (By the way, isn't it interesting that this has somehow stuck at 110%? I mean, if the rest of the athletes are giving 110%, why ask your team for the same? Demand 125%! 150%! 235%! There's really no limit, is there?)
When I was a little kid, I attended Catholic elementary schools. The report cards there had a series of grades such as "E" for excellent, "U" for unsatisfactory and so on. But to give the grading more depth and texture for the concerned parents, there were also several typical comments which the teacher could check off as applicable to particular children, such as "Bothers Other Children," "Is Disrespectful," and so-on. One that got plenty of check-marks on my reports was this: "Is Not Working Up To His Potential." There was a companion comment: "Works Beyond His Potential."
That one rarely got checked on my reports.
Imagine. "Works Beyond His Potential." I suppose that has to mean: "Cheats." But that's not the way it was used. It was intended to mean, essentially, "Gives 110%."
"Is Not Working Up To His Potential," on the other hand, meant: "Lazy." Whether the ability or inclination to work harder was within one's "potential" is problematic and was simply ignored, even though the evidence in my case clearly pointed to laziness being deeply ingrained into my potential. But, she who wears the wimple and blows the pitch-pipe calls the tune.
I'm sorry I brought it all up. "The Jury Shall Disregard The Last Statement."
posted by Mique @ 3:39 PM
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