RTAH Saturday
Real, True, Actual Headlines
... and the comments that seem to be in another language.
MSNBC.com
Spain OK's gay marriage
Actually, they hokay-ed it.
Big cities losing people
Probably has something to do with identity theft.
U.S. traces mad cow case to Texas
I could have told them that!
EPA says Teflon may cause cancer
Okay, but where exactly, does one buy a skillet without the damn stuff?
NYTimes.com
Republican lawmakers fire back at judiciary
Concelaed carry provisions and hot tempers result in Capitol-hill tragedy.
Senator Clinton to deliver pitch for Olympics
Pitch to be used for weather-sealing roofs, tarring baseball bats.
BBC.co.uk
Bush sets up domestic spy service
Ignores advice that only his strongest supporters have domestics.
New Leonardo picture discovered
"I Was a Teenage Adolescent" ... 'Oh, yeah, I forgot that one,' says actor.
RTAH Wednesday
Real, True, Actual Headlines
... and the comments that I make up!
BBC.co.uk
Manila faithful flock to bury Sin
Confession seems easier, but whatever ...
AMD sues Intel for monopoly abuse
"They won't share the shoe, they hog all the hotels, and they always want to be the banker!"
France gets nuclear fusion plant
Requires lots of water, shade, and very, very careful cultivation.
Sainthood bid opens for John Paul
1) ... on eBay.
2) ... George and Ringo.
Passport applicants face grilling
Not so bad; they used to deep-fat fry 'em.
Psychiatrists hit back at Cruise
"He's a poo-poo head!" says esteemed Freudian Analyst.
MSNBC.com
Pfizer: No risk of blindness from Viagra
... unless you poke someone in the eye with one of those four-hour woodies.
NYTimes.com
Bush declares sacrifice in Iraq to be 'worth it'
"Hey, they're not my kids!"
RTAH Monday
Real, True, Actual Headlines
... and the comments that make me laugh.
BBC.co.uk
Arroyo admits election phone call
Wow! Those Philippinos are tough!
Picasso sketches go under the hammer
... in hopes of straightening them out into something recognizable.
Bid to save rare British beetle
Go to eBay now to help rescue Pete Best?
MSNBNC.com
Oil prices vault over $60 a barrel
From your vault to theirs.
States bar teen drivers using cell phones
But it's okay for adults to crash into you while chatting.
NYTimes.com
Iran's new leader takes tough stand, then softens it
... tops it with marinara sauce, serves twenty.
Some in G.O.P. call on Bush to focus on governing
The others don't really care about that.
AP
Court: Some Ten Commandments displays okay
Fist Commandment, the Third, and maybe the Seventh.
Reuters
City may end speed limits through high crime areas
That should work ... then residents won't see any patrol cars.
RTAH Sunday
Real, True, Actual Headlines
... and the comments that make you wanna go "huh?"
NYTimes.com
Victory by hard-liner in Iran could widen rift with U.S.
Stunning discovery of causal link between recent Iran elections and earthquakes in California.
Winner in Iran calls for unity; reformists reel
No wonder they lost the election if they were
1) ... watching movies all the time.
2) ... fishing all the time.
The newspaper of the future
... lines the canary cages of tomorrow.
MSNBC.com
Rocketplane shoots for space trips by 2007
... labor troubles, Chapter 11 by 2009.
NASA: Risk of ice striking shuttle low
We don't care where it hits the shuttle, the questions is, will it do serious damage?
New venue for Vanna's letter turning
Justice Dept. files suit claiming she has "effective monopoly" on procedure.
'Six Feet Under' star gives birth to second child
Infant successfully tunnels its way to the surface.
BBC.co.uk
Iran to maintain nuclear policy
Despite intense pressure from U.S. to change to "nukular" program.
Conditions 'better' at Guantanamo
... not that they weren't 'good,' you understand!
NASA: 'Ice impact risk acceptable'
Crew members seen to roll eyes.
