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Our ISP, ComCast.net, just published the following list of factors which can help you determine if you're going to live a long time or should just postpone doing the laundry a little longer. In trying to determine my own fate, I have set an average "better if used by" date of October, 1029, by which time I will have fulfilled my "life expectancy" of 72 years, then adjusted this up or down according to my profile vis-a-vis (my car-rental charge card) these fifteen parameters:

1. The employed outlive the laid-off
I assume being retired counts the same as being employed, but only if you retired voluntarily. If you retired as a result of a lay-off, you're meat.

+ 2 years for me. Ditto for Karen.

2. Married people outlive singles

I am totally, happily married. Furthermore, I have the wife par excellence. +5 years for me.

3. Women with husbands their own age outlive cougars

For me, irrelevant. +0.

4. People who sleep less outlive people who sleep a lot

Oh-oh. I certainly want to sleep a lot. Does 14 hours a day count as a lot? - 18 mos. for me.

5. Slim-waisted people outlive big-waisted people

Oh-oh again. -8 years for me. Okay, okay ... -10 years!

6. Optimists outlive pessimists

Usually, I would say +2 years here, depression notwithstanding. But looking back over previous answers, I'd say +6 mos, tops.

7. People who move outlive people who sit

I'd say this is a wash. I get my own beer, tap my feet and drum my fingers a lot. +0.

8. Churchgoers outlive non-churchgoers

Doom. -10 years for me. Although, I did go to Mass almost every day during the school year from age six to age 13. Does that still count?

9. Mormons outlive non-Mormons

Double doom. -5 years for me. Although, in this case, that's a good deal, IMHO.

10. The rich outlive the poor

Well, yeah! I'd say we're pretty squarely in the middle. Maybe + 6 mos.

11. Light drinkers outlive abstainers

Yes, and therefore, logically, heavy drinkers outlive light drinkers. +5 years.

12. TV avoiders outlive TV devotees

Like you'd want to live without TV - don't kid a kidder! -10 years.

13. Hawaii residents outlive everyone else in the United States

Never even been there. -5 years.

14. Women outlive men

Oh, crap! -5 years.

15. Literate people outlive illiterate people

Just how literate do you have to be? I can read. I even have a valid library card. I'm giving myself a +5 years, here.

All in all, I'd say this is pretty good news. According to my own calculations, I should have been dead for twenty-eight and a half years already! Considering, I feel pretty chipper! I think I'm going back and raising my "optimism" score back to plus two years!