RTAH Friday
NBCNews.com
It's Tax Day in the U.S.
No, it's tax filing day ... every day is tax day.
MSNBC.com
Hunters game the tax system
No, no, no. There is no "season" on IRS agents. Sorry.
Baseball fails to draw black players, fans
Cowhide orb just sits there in parapsychology lab, won't even pick up the pencil.
BBC.co.uk
Rover staff to get help, says PM
British gov't. dispatches psychologists, psychiatrists to cousel fired auto workers.
US and UK blamed for oil scandal
Oh, sure, like we'd do that!
China warns against Japan rallies
They're run on the wrong side of the roads, for one.
Opposition joins Lebanese talks
Talking otherwise kinda' seemed futile.
EU pollution deaths cost billions
Well, now, if it's going to cost money ...
NYTimes.com
Texan is indicted in Iraq oil sales by Hussein Aides
No, not that Texan. Sorry.
Arab slain by Israeil troops; Abbas calls it truce violation
Geez, such a narrow definition of truce.
Oregon supreme court invalidates same-sex marriages
No-sex marriages still okay, though.
Judge's decision lifts ban on sale of ephedra in Utah
Salt air, altitude combine to make drug safe.
G.M. and Ford stuck in neutral as buyers look beyond Detroit
Americans are actually buying foreign cars?
RTAH Thursday
BBC.co.uk
Asian giants keep up war of words
Megalon: "Your mother have face-lift!"
Gojira: "Yes, well. Your mother wear the combat boot!"
Champion endurance horse cloned
"We hope the clone will last longer!"
Kilroy attacks 'liberal fascism'
"I was never there!"
Relic star poses cosmic puzzles
E.g.: "Arrange the bones of St. JLo into the letter 'N' in two steps!"
NYTimes.com
F.D.A. panel backs breast implants from one maker
Well, The Maker, plus one other.
E.P.A. nominee advances, but with Hitch
Will Smith goes to Washington.
Morgan Stanley shaken again as others quit
Shaken broker syndrome.
Microsoft and Europeans argue over ruling
Microsoft insists, but Europeans say they'd rather rule themselves.
La Scala backer puts financing in Jeopardy
Popular game show hereafter to be sung in Italian.
Giants agree to remain in meadows
See first item under BBC above.
RTAH Tuesday
NYTimes.com
Former chief of A.I.G. to refuse to answer questions
Later, won't dance, won't play ukelele.
The timing was right, but is she with Panda?
Surly she-bear refuses to pee on test strip.
BBC.co.uk
Bush UN choice grilled by Senate
"We've given him the A-1 treatment. He's a rare candidate, but we all have a steak in seeing this well-done."
Aceh peace talks begin in Finland
Booking agent flunked geography.
Hungarian Huns bid for new status
Want to leave behind "Attila" image, demand being called "Hunnies."
Shipman told to 'go hang himself'
Personnel funding woes reach crisis proportions at prison.
Produce from cloned cattle 'safe'
... but I wouldn't keep my money in it.
Nanotech promise for global poor
"We'll give you aid, but it'll be itty-bitty aid, okay?"
Laptops with fuel cells approach
Man the barricades!
RTAH Monday
MSNBC.com
Blizzard hammers Colorado
DQ treat contributes to severe obesity in mountain state.
Gas prices up 19 cents over past 3 weeks
Well, actually 19.9 cents.
Pandas at San Diego Zoo mate sucessfully
After counseling, with other pandas.
Internet users more accepting of spam
Hey it's better than this stuff!
Microsoft files eight counterfeit lawsuits
Gates' lawyer shown in perpwalk on Eyewitless News at 10:00.
Simmons tries to smooth feathers
Flamboyant exercise guru ruffles his boa.
BBC.co.uk
Aceh governor jailed for graft
Prison hospital to implant branch from pear tree.
Judge mulls Khordorkovsky verdict
Likely to rule it's too hard to pronounce.
Sharon rewarded with ranch talks
Will hereafter be addressed as "podner."
Ground telescopes to 'super-size'
1) Astronomy afflicted with obesity epidemic.
2) A budget alternative to prime-cut telescopes.
Training a new breed of hacker
Tobacco companies focus on kids.
NYTimes.com
North Korea deals a blow to arms talks
Note ... not "deals blow to" but "deals a blow to."
France detects a cultural threat in Google
For one thing, it should be pronounced "goo-glay."
Latest update
Pardon our dust.
RTAH Sunday
NYTimes.com
U.S. seeks access to bank records to deter terror
Short check fees cause night sweats for many
Cardinals hint at profile of new pope: presence preferred
And, speaking of profiles, a nice Roman nose would be good.
Demonstrators in Iraq demand that U.S. leave
Well, isn't that all that Saddam and his army were doing, really?
Riot police called in to calm anti-Japanese protests in China
Subsequent riots very mellow.
Verizon will buy stake to bolster MCI bid
Plans to drive it through Qwest's heart.
Will the next version of Windows be worth the wait?
And if not, will it matter anyway, 'cause we'll still have to buy it, because, after all, what choice to we have?
The often sad reality of the sweet science
Yeah, beating people to death is so sweet and so scientific.
AP
Cardinals begin silence before conclave
Then batting practice, and a little fungo, maybe?
Reuters
Bush taking long view on sliding pole numbers
"Well, I can't run again, so what do I care?"
