RTAH Friday
Real, True, Actual Headlines
... and some totally unrelated gibberish.
BBC.co.uk
Hurricane moves over E Caribbean
It moved it over a little to the west.
Parasites' genetic code 'cracked'
1) Finally, hope for parasites with congenital illnesses.
2) That's just some wacky genetic code!
3) Turns out, they're similar to genetic codes of those from other parts of France.
UK 'could become high-tech titan'
Well, what the report actually said was that 'the UK is fast becoming the Titanic of high tech."
Funds sought to help free media
Huh?
MSNBC.com
Bush crash injures 11 Eminem tour members
Well, it was actually a bus crash, but it's interesting that this typo is somehow believeable.
NBC.com
Chief Justice Rehnquist says he's staying at the Supreme Court.
No word on why he got kicked out of his house.
NYTimes.com
Pataki will test '08 winds in Iowa
Reportedly will attempt to break wind there this weekend.
Review finds scientists with ties to companies
Golf shirted ones work for the Universities, tee-shirts are just graduate assistants.
Bolshoi's mission: broaden its ballets
Will start with more starches in the diet.
RTAH Thursday
Real, True, Actual Headlines
... and the comments that hurt your teeth.
MSNBC.com
Shunned for years, lobotomies back in the spotlight
Get yours now!
RTAH Wednesday
Real, True, Actual Headlice
... and the comments that make your scalp crawl!
MSNBC.com
SEC launches Harley-Davidson investigation
These investigations seem to come in cycles.
Drivers using cell phones more likely to crash
... but quicker to get emergency help!
Tom Cruise won't always have Paris
What? What happened to Katie?
N.Y. store accidentally sells new Potter book
Karl Rove under investigation in leak.
Thousands infected in Pennsylvania hospitals
Sort of a "lime in the cocoanut" deal, huh?
Man walks from Calif. to NYC to drop pounds
Now slim, but very late for appointment in Long Beach.
NYTimes.com
Town uses tresspass law to fight illegal immigrants
"We just hung up the signs saying 'No Trespassing' on the Mexico side of the fence, and that about solved the whole problem right there." says Deputy. "Who'da thought?"
RTAH - Tuesday
Real, True, Actual Headlines
... and the comments that made me so sick, I had to stop for a while!
BBC.co.uk
Thousands recall Srebrenica pain
Geography spelling bee traumatizes middle school students.
Southern US mops up after Dennis
Mitchell parents warned to housebreak their child.
Kyrgyz poll hailed as 'progress'
Well, it's better than Srebrenica, maybe.
Glenn Close to make Sunset movie
Didn't know she was that old!
Monaco's Albert II to take throne
... as soon as he leaves the can, I guess.
MSNBC.com
Gas prices jump to record
Now music to cost much more, too.
Countdown begins for milestone launch
Engravers just about finished with "Dallas - 250 (down)."
Panda cub survives critical first day
Mother panda shields baby from worst of harsh reviews in papers.
15 million abuse prescription drugs
Pills subject to beatings, cruel restraint in tiny brown tubes.
NYTimes.com
In video game, a download unlocks hidden sex scenes
... but luckily, it's a secret!
2 are killed in shootings at 3 parties
Just how much fun can you have?
Neuron network goes awry, and brain becomes an iPod
... but unfortunately, a "shuffle."
Sattelite radio is music to fans' ears
See previous item.
