RTAH Saturday
MSNBC.com
Schiavo's tube removed
Parents were worried that t.v. coverage may be upsetting her.
Lien to be slapped on Jackson's Neverland
How come liens are never just "placed?"
The role of faith in America
The role: Voter.
The dangers of lipo-tourism
There's a sucker born every minute.
BBC.co.uk
Clarke orders re-think on cannabis
Also orders pizza, chinese take-out, deli sandwiches.
G8 to tackle illegal timber trade
1) Investigations branching out.
2) Committee barking up wrong tree.
3) Sap gives testimony.
washingtonpost.com
President names head for personnel agency
Isn't his head named "George," too?
RTAH Tuesday
NYTimes.com
Boeing chief is ousted after admitting affair
Doing it is okay, but admitting it is unforgivable.
Report says Medicaid overpays for drugs
They should buy them from Canada, auditor notes.
U.S. eroding inmates' trust at Cuba base, lawyers say
Yikes! When a lawyer complains that someone is able to diminish their clients' trust in them, you know it's bad!
New York women's obesity increases certain risks
Other states okay.
MSNBC.com
Dark horse makes bold claim in space race
Roan mare claims to have accompanied cow that jumped over moon.
Laughter is good for the heart, study finds
... but try to restrain during cardiac surgery.
BBC.co.uk
King Tut 'died from broken leg'
Personal injury attorneys flood descendants with offers.
Tests show bird flu cases missed
They seemed bad when they were here, but now that they're gone ...
Balaji gives Indai edge in Mohali
So there.
CRE seeks police racism offence
... but can't find an officer to do it.
Registrar allows Charles wedding
... but has reservations about Camilla.
Stolen Munch art found in Norway
Some Andy Warhol painting, no doubt.
AP
Bush: Democracy taking hold in Mideast
At least they have it there.
Coach accused of licking players' cuts
No comment.
Wisc. hunter wants open season for cats
... but notes they have trouble holding the rifles.
Chechen leader killed in raid
It took seven gallons of liquid bug spray.
Reuters
Dog to go under the knife of Governor
Has to have something to take away the pressure of the job.
Bush demands Syria out of Lebanon by May
Oh, Lord, here we go again!
'Bewitched' to hit screens in June
You've been given fair warning!
Seattle Times
McIver faces council challenge by close contender in 2003 race
Blows him up.
RTAH Sunday
NYTimes.com
Looting at Iraqi weapons plants was systematic, official says
"... and a hearty 'well done!' to these efficient workers," he went on.
Nuclear sub missed warning signs before crash, Navy says
How stupid is that? Even I know there aren't any windows in submarines!
Can a virus hitch a ride in your car?
Once again ... do not pick up riders, even if they have attractive pseudopods!
BBC.co.uk
Iran demands more concessions
They want hot dogs, and they want them NOW!
African stars stage malaria gig
There's a whole lotta shakin' goin' on.
China's Hu takes overall control
Farmers' togs to be made exclusively by government.
Nepal king 'must return powers'
Noy fair to keep levitation, invisibility to himself.
AP
Ex-judge jailed for using cough medicine
He was a hack, anyway.
RTAH Friday
NBC.com
Wall-Mart to pay $11 million for hiring illegal workers
It's okay, but you gotta have the license.
Stocks slide as oil continues to rise
Well, sure, everything slides in oil.
Another record high at the gas pumps
Beware inhaling those fumes!
MSNBC.com
Parents increasingly turn to Net filters
Taste just as good as unfiltered, but with less tar!
Seniors try to keep off retirement pounds
We really prefer the term "Elder Humane Associations."
A second chance to work after retirement
No, see ... kind of the point of retirement ... oh, forget it.
BBC.co.uk
Poll: Voters 'don't trust politicians'
Also: Sky is blue.
London police foil huge bank raid
Bobbies and Alcoa assist in Christo's new project.
KFC China pulls dishes over dye
They forgot to tint the glaze before firing.
Lab fireball 'may be black hole'
Only explanation for lost car keys.
Have hackers recruited your PC?
You will ignore this headline.
You will ignore this headline.
You will ignore this headline.
NYTimes.com
Sizeable cuts in U.S. forces called possible in '06
... or maybe not.
Viacom fights against its own size
Oh, brother ... me, too.
Congressman from Ohio is chosen for trade post
Position will be useful on the stump.
Europeans doubt Microsoft is obeying antitrust order
Although their computers say otherwise.
La Scala conflict grows as workers ask conductor to quit
Man with paper punch irritates patrons, musicians.
Exploitation at the Big Dance
Is it only me, or is anyone else really, really, really tired of the expression "Big Dance?" Do they know it's basketball?
Senate votes to allow drilling in Arctic Reserve
1) Local dental patients rejoice.
2) Caribou vote to allow drilling in Senate.
RTAH Tuesday
MSNBC.com
Bin Laden trail goes cold
Well, yeah. It's still Winter!
Survey sees healthy hiring this Spring
The infirm are still "rightsizing," though.
What income do you need in retirement?
In the case of Social Security ... someone else's.
Everyone over 50 needs their colon checked
1) Race-track design lends festive air to derrieres.
2) If troubled, doctors will reduce it to a semi-colon.
3) No butts about it.
BBC.co.uk
Church fights Da Vinci Code novel
Cheesy pop fiction apparently imperils 2000 year old faith.
Cannibal admits killing two men
"You would prefer I eat them alive?"
AP
Wyo, may ban facial piercings in eateries
You can buy the food, just not put it in your mouth!
