RTAH Thursday
NBC.com
Summer travel delays
Texas Representative and his family take another free trip ...
MSNBC.com
Little-known L.A. fault sparks big worries
The fault? Poorly insulated power lines!
BBC.co.uk
Parents 'must tackle teen births'
Unconventional delivery technique not approved by Royal Medical Society.
'No bulldozer policy' for homes
1) Arthur Dent relieved.
2) No insurance available against attack by heavy equipment.
Shuttle heads back to workshop
Thus the name.
UK company launches in-car toilet
1) Oh, good ... now we need never leave our cars!
2) You think pollution smells bad in a traffic jam now?!
3) Just don't launch it near me, okay?
NYTimes.com
Pentagon denies preparing to down stray plane
"We resent the accusation! We want you to know we were completely unprepared!"
RTAH Wednesday
MSNBC.com
House moves on stem cells
Reckless genetic experimentation leads to creepy walking residence.
Oil prices edge toward $50 barrel mark
I forget, are we worried because that's on its way up or its way down right now?
BBC.co.uk
Belgium probes baby internet sale
It's just a little tiny sale.
Animal efforts 'need bigger push'
For example: Elephant high jump.
Shoppers turn to web for bargains
Hang around in corners, gather dust, flies.
NYTimes.com
Mötley Crüe files suit against NBC for banning it because of an expletive
Damn!
Spectacles, on tap and on toe
And on nose!
Bellevue head is dismissed over a loan
That's just crazy!
RTAH Tuseday
MSNBC.com
Icing down patients to avoid brain damage
... works even better with a few festive candles on the head and a rousing chorus of 'Happy Birthday.'
'Clone' scientists urges women to donate eggs
Lab crew has little opportunity to get out for breakfast.
Heart device maker hid flaw for years
He had a severe overbite.
Audit finds sex offenders getting Viagra
This looked like a potential joke ... then, not.
BBC.co.uk
China rebukes Japan over shrine
Middle-aged fat salary-men with fezzes touring China in large, rowdy group.
Scary story of the day:
Two hurt in mock light sabre duel
Two fans of Star Wars are seriously injured apparently trying to make light sabres by filling fluorescent tubes with petrol.
'Relax TV rules covering Commons'
MP's would like to watch soaps while in chambers.
Wormhole 'no use' for time travel
"Way too small, and those little guys squirm worse when you try this than when you put 'em on a hook!"
NYTimes.com
In trial, drug aids vision of elderly
Older jurors can see witnesses better, but now don't really give a damn.
Microsoft must comply or face fine
Obey anti-trust ruling or Bill won't get that long-sought-after cosmetic surgery!
RTAH Monday
BBC.co.uk
BBC shows hit by one-day strike
"Sorry, but one day was all we could manage," executive says to irate listeners.
Bulgaria head to plead for nurses
If the guy has no body, it's way too late for nurses.
New Star Wars film breaks records
Theater managers asked to turn down sound volume.
Xbox 360 aspires to break Japan
Microsoft's nefarious plan revealed!
MSNBC.com
Scientists quetions whether sunlight bad or good
1) Admit they're now in the dark.
2) Labs warming to topic.
3) Advantages and problems finally dawn on researchers.
Heated debate over stem cell bill
Defire went out before debate got cooked.
NYTimes.com
Trial for governor's seat set to start in Washington
State exec. will be tried one body part at a time.
With more private giving, Bloomberg forges ties
Ersatz Jerry Garcia neckware found hidden in NY mayor's office.
AP
Bear takes dip in suburban L.A. pool
Dip's wife fears for his life.
Runaway horse bolts onto Ohio freeway
Once they got him bolted down, controlling him was a piece of cake.
Wayward manatee entertains Texans
Runaway teenage sea cow puts on way too much makeup, dons chaps, cowboy hat, sings torch songs in roadhouse outside Ft. Worth.
RTAH Sunday
NYTimes.com
U.S. memo faults Afghan leader on heroin fight
Women's Knitting Society president arrested by DEA.
Army faltered in investigating detainee abuse
Treatment 'just seemed like basic training' says sergeant.
Palestinian militants agree to restore truce in Gaza
Would we have better luck if they were called "Palestinian truculents?"
First victim in judicial fight: Congress's image
Wow! They actually managed to lower our opinions of Congress?
