Thursday, February 14, 2008

Fogey Business (Entertainment 1)

More dwelling in the past:

We lived next door to a family of teachers. Both the dad and mom of that family were public school teachers. They weren't rich, therefore (they wouldn't be living in our neighborhood if they were rich, or even upper middle class,) but they did all right. Like my parents, they were a two-income family when that wasn't very common.

Mr. Powell (the neighbor man) was a classical music aficionado. He and my Dad swapped stories about the new "hi-fi" (high fidelity) idea and the equipment that went with it. One day, he invited us over to see his latest gimmick. He had built into his wall two large speakers. Two! He was getting ready for a new technology in music recordings - stereo! The first day we saw his system, he showed us his stereo amplifier. It was a monster machine, hidden in the bedroom adjacent to the living room, because it hummed like crazy and produced lots of heat. It had a golden glow from the tubes on the chassis. He had it connected to a record player he called, for some reason, a "turntable." It had, we were told, not a "needle" to set into the records' grooves, but a diamond stylus. A diamond!

He only had the one stereo record. There were hardly any stereo recordings available, and almost all of them around then were "demonstration" records ... compilations of sonic adventures like the wind blowing by, race cars going through your living room, a marching band parading past, a conversation between two people, and so on. And, of course, music. Mostly big bands and jazz, with strikingly clear (and completely unatural sounding) channel separation to show off the new technology. But his favorite was the classical music ... only a few selections, of course, but still.

Later, he and my Dad got together for the first stereo radio broadcast in our area. No one had stereo radio receivers yet, but monophonic FM had been around for a few years, with its better clarity and static-free sound. So the first stereo broadcasts were done with one channel on FM and one channel on AM; the listener would turn on both radios, tuned to the appropriate stations, and place one on each side of the room. Again, most of the music broadcast this way was classical, jazz, or big band. I was interested in hearing rock-and-roll in this format, but the two of them insisted that there would be no reason to listen to rock-and-roll in stereo, and no market for it.

My Dad got the bug, of course. He sent for and built, over the course of many months, a "Heath Kit" stereo tape recorder. Heath kits were well-engineered electronics equipment sold as kits ... a case, all the hardware, and all the electronics componenets along with intructions on how to assemble it yourself. Dad and I learned to solder correctly, and began the assembly. The first task was to sort out all the tiny (by those days' tube-radio standards) components. The instructions included keys for decyphering the colored coding on resistors and capacitors, because the instructions called for these by rating (ohms, farads, etc.), not by color. Dad had dozens of old egg cartons spread out on our ping-pong table in the basement, and labeled with the various ratings of the components. We sorted them out into these little wells both to prepare for the assembly, as well as to verify that we had all the necessary parts.

This step alone took weeks. After we were done, but before the assembly got underway, my sister's dog got up onto the table and spilled the contents all over the floor, scrambling all the pieces back into the chaos in which they had arrived. After appropriate ranting, we started again the patient process of sorting and counting.

This was a four-track reel-to-reel tape recorder - stereo ... left and right going one way, then left and right going back the other way (no such thing as cassettes then, nor even the clunky infinite-loop 8-track tapes. All that came much later.) The tracks were interlaced like you might interlace the fingers of your hands: left forward, right reverse, right forward, left reverse; the alignment of the recording and playback heads was critical, of course. You could always hear a tiny little bit of "cross-talk" of the channels going the other way through the playback head. This was actually a pretty great device, but it suffered from all the ills of any tape machine (slipping clutches, snapping tapes, etc.), plus all the ills of "early adopter" equipment. Not to mention the do-it-yourself limitations.

When we had it all assembled (I don't want to imply here that I helped very much ... this was my Dad's project ... I just liked to watch and ask), it didn't work, of course. Heath had a deal where you could send in the assembled kit to be "corrected" by their technicians, but this so-called portable recorder weighed probably thirty pounds, including the two speakers that were built into the case, speakers which could be removed to increase separation. So, rather than pay the cost of shipping two ways, the cost of repair (open-ended), and the impatient wait for Heath to fix it, Dad had one of his buddies from his work place, who was an electronics hobbyist (HAM radio) look at it for him. He fixed a couple of cold solders, and it worked fine. The chassis was not a printed-circuit board (printed circuits were brand-new, super-high-tech then, used by IBM and the like in computers, whatever they were), but a plastic "bread-board", screen printed with the necessary positions of the components. Everything was soldered in place and wired by hand.

We used that recorder for several years to send tapes to my sister when she and her husband lived in the Netherlands after they were first married. Dad liked to fiddle around with the recordings, switching channels back and forth, transcribing recorded music (early ripping!) from records, and goofing around with the tape speeds. This machine used the 1/4" wide tape that then seemed narrow, but today seems really wide ... if you know what 8mm home movie film looks like, it was about that wide.

Later we got a second, professionally manufactured, Ampex recorder. You could scrape away the emulsion from the tape to create a little transparent window toward the end of the tape. the machine had a tiny light and photo-electric sensors for ending the tape when it detected one of those windows, so the loose end of the tape wouldn't beat itself to a frazz against the machine, and also a sensor to detect a second window, if there was one, to reverse the tape and play the other way. This way, a tape could be set up to play over and over again, theoretically endlessly. In one direction, each tape could carry over an hour of sound at high speed (hi-fi), or double that for lo-fi. So, you could listen to two hours of hi-fi music or as much as four hours of lo-fi music on one tape, before it repeated. A big advance over records, which had one or two songs on them per side (for the then-standard 78 rpm's or the newer 45's), or even LP's (long-playing records at 33-1/3 rpm) which had twenty or thirty minutes of music per side, and had to be turned over manually.

Eventually, our neighbor installed separate woofers and tweeters and filters and cross-overs and so on and basically made swiss cheese of his living-room wall. It always looked like hell, and didn't even sound that great to me. mostly, he tried to impress by playing it really loud. There's still a lot of that today.

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I remember distincly when Dad brought the first TV into our house. Others in the neighborhood had them, but they weren't common (this was long before the tape-recorder thing mentioned above.) Our first TV we actually kept for many, many years. It was the size of a small refrigerator with a screen about the size of a paper-back book.

It was black-and-white only, of course. At first, we received only one station or "channel." We had only rabbit-ears ... a kind of little antenna that sat on top of the set to pick up local broadcats. Although TV is FM, and supposedly free from static and so on, the signals were weak and notrotiously scrambled. We spent a great deal of time jiggling the rabbit-ears around, adjusting the horizontal and vertical hold controls, and "fine tuning" the station with the "fine tuning" knob. If successful, all these tweaks resulted in a grainy, low-definition grey-on-grey image of some local guy reading the news. Or boxing, which my Dad loved, for reasons which remain unclear to me. Or professional wrestling (Gorgeous George, etc. ... not that much different from WWF today.) Or puppet shows. Or revival-tent fundamentalists. Or sappy sentimantal "reality" shows like "Queen for a Day." Actually not all that different from network programming now.

When color TV started to get popular, practically no one could afford such a set in our neighborhood, plus neither of the local channels broadcast in color, so if you wanted a color set, you also had to have a roof-top antenna. And I'm not talking a cute little sattelite dish, either. The antennas required to pick up Denver from Colorado Springs were honking big structures with many arms and cross-struts on a tall steel mast with guys wires and tensioning turnbuckles. Perfect targets for lightning strikes, they all had to be equipped with lightning rods, or you could expect to burn down your house. And, like rabbit ears, these large outsoor antennas, too, had to be tweaked ... aimed and re-aimed contantly for best reception. So the best installations had motorized rotation systems which could be controlled from inside while you watched the set to see when the good picture was obtained. The cheap ones required the dad to go outside while mom or the kids yelled instructions at him.

In any case, all together, a good color TV and a decent antenna cost thousands of dollars when a top-quality car was still only a thousand or a little more. The Powells had one, of course, and another neighbor down the street had one. All the kids in the neighborhood had an open invitation to go down there each Sunday night to see "Walt Disney's Wonderful World of Color." I remember the picture being not much better than our black and white set, with only a hint of color, or garishly colored, with the reds especially bad, smearing clear across the screen. Loved it.

One day, Dad brought home a clear plastic sheet that was tinted blue toward one edge and pinkish brown to the other edge. The idea was that you trimmed this sheet to fit over your TV tube, with the blue strip at the top and the brown strip at the bottom. The intention was that, at least when outdoors scenes were shown, the sky would be blue and the ground would be brown. Sort of early colorizing.

Problem being, of course, that most things were not shot outdoors. Lucy Ricardo had blue hair rather than red, and Ricky always had what looked like five-o'clock shadow. Not great.

Dad also brought home a toy that consisted of diffraction gratings and wavy lines printed on clear acetate. If you held them up to the TV and moved them around, the cathode ray beam scanning interval would cause them to appear to be in motion ... early op art.

Programming started in late afternoon, and ended at bedtime ... ten o'clock maybe ... with the Star-Spangled-Banner. Earlier in the day, the stations broadcast "Test Patterns" - a fixed image of a target with various lines and text along with a photograph in the middle ... I mostly remember an Indian chief. Eventually, Arthur Godfrey and Art Linkletter discovered housewives, and that opened the floodgates of daytime TV. Soap operas, game shows, and talk shows prevailed. Again, not much different from today.

One form of show which was prominent on all the networks then was the variety show. These were usually built around a single personality - usually a singer, and included singing, dancing, comedy sketches, and talk segments like letters from the viewers or reminiscences. Red Skelton, Perry Como, Red Buttons, Dinah Shore, and so-on were among the mainstays of the network schedule. There's nothing quite like that today, although I think shows like American Idol sort of fit that niche.
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Movies and more in Entertainment 2.

Fogey Business (Cars)

What characterizes a "fogey?" Scruffy beard, nasal twang, poor eyesight (requiring sceptical-looking squints at all times), and missing teeth? Well, three out of four ain't bad. (Also see http://jmykewords.googlepages.com/coot.)

Actually, I think the definitive fogey characteristic is spending more and more time in the past. There is an arc to a person's life ... when they're very young, they live in the present. When adult, they live in the future. When old, they live in the past. Fogies. (Fogeys?)


Well, here goes:


CARS


When I was a kid, cars didn't have places to attach kids' car safety seats. You know why? Because there was no such thing as kids' car safety seats! we used to stand up on the seats next to our parents in order to see out the windows. My Mom and Dad made us sit down because standing wasn't safe, but then my folks were very conscientious by the day's standards ... most parents let their kids stand while the car was in motion.


When we got sleepy, we were allowed to lie down on the package tray behind the back of the rear seats. A ballistic missile in the making!

Cars didn't have air bags.

Cars didn't have shoulder harnesses.*

Cars didn't have seat belts.*

Cars didn't have headrests.*

Cars' bumpers were of no value whatever in a collision. But they were real shiny!

Almost no cars had outside rear-view mirrors. Virtually no cars had right-side, outside, rear-view mirrors. Trucks did, though ... both. Rear-view mirros didn't have that little thingy to tilt them down at night to avoid glare ... you either tilted the whole mirror (rendering it worthless) or put up with the glare of headlights behind you.

Cars came equipped with ... wait for it ... cigarette lighters and ashtrays! These were usually NOT an option! It was assumed everyone would want to smoke in their car!

Cars rarely had automatic transmissions. They were an expensive and rare option. The norm was a three-speed transmission, manually controlled with a clutch pedal and a shift lever mounted on the steering column.

Electric windows were unknown. Eventually, they became available on the most luxurious of cars, to the derision of the masses. Jeez, how hard is it to roll-down your own windows that you gotta have a motor to do it for you?


Cars' dashboards were made of painted steel! Steering wheels were made of brittle plastic or a precursor to plastic called bakelite. They cracked and broke off after a few years of sunshine.

Except for the glove compartment (shallow and unlit ... intended for gloves, actually), there was no storage inside the car: no map pockets in the doors, no pouches on the back of the front seats, no storage compartments in the center console (no center consoles!), or the drop-down arm rest (no arm rests!), no little recesses or compartments in the dashboard or doors. Certainly no cup-holders.

Cars' floors were steel, too, or maybe had a rubber mat (optional).

Car seat-backs didn't recline. They didn't adjust at all, except to slide back-and-forth when you adjusted the whole seat for leg-room for the driver. The seat-backs didn't tilt forward, except for two-door cars, and in those cases, they didn't latch in the upright position ... it was a common occurrence that the right-hand seat-back would flop forward when a coupe came to a stop.

Cars only came with bench seats, front and back. The back of the back seats didn't fold down to open into the trunk ... that idea was unheard-of.

Cars used to advertise "safety glass" windshields, and eventually, safety glass in all the windows. Before that, all the glass was just glass ... unlaminated, untempered, easily breakable into sharp-dagger-like pieces. Tinted windshields were unknown, then a fancy option.

Car air conditioning was a rare and optional luxury only found in Cadillacs and the like. The ventilation in our early family cars was provided either by rolling down a window, or by opening a vent in the side of the footwell, through the body of the car, to the outdoor air.

Car heating was optional! Most folks got heaters for their cars, though. Not all of them directed hot air up onto the windshiled to defrost it ... you had to scrape the inside. Nothing to defrost or defog the rear window or side windows, of course.

Car radios were optional ... and if you got one, it was AM only. You know why? There was no such thing as FM radio yet!

Car radios, if you had them, were mono only. You know why? There was no such thing as stereo yet! (Except in the actual world, of course.)

Automatic turn signals weren't a requirement for cars. It was legal to signal only with your hands.

Side marker lights at the front and back of cars didn't exist; that high rear-end brake light didn't exist yet, either. When I was little, even front turn signal lights were rare.

No cars had windshield washers.

Car tires were lousy. You could count on getting a flat tire two or three times a year, minimum. And they had "inner tubes" - the wheel and tire were so poorly made, they couldn't hold the air to keep them inflated. Tires weren't reinforced with anything substantial ... not nylon cords, not steel belts, nothing except actual cotton or hemp cords ... other than that, they were just rubber. The invention of corded tires then steel-belted ones, then "radial" tires, and the change to sythesized rubbers revolutionized the durability and quality of tires and substantially added to the mobility of women and older people, who weren't often called on to change a tire by the side of the road. Wheels had "hubcaps" which actually covered only the hub of the wheel ... not the bolt circle or the rest of the rim. It was there only to protect the lubrication point at the center of the wheel.

Gas stations ("service stations" in those days) wouldn't take credit cards. You know why? Credit cards didn't exist yet! Nobody would dream of using a personal check for such a thing! Like most retail of the day, it was basically an all-cash industry.

Unleaded gasoline was difficult to find, and was only used for devices that clogged up readily ... like Coleman stoves. There were only two grades of gas ... regular and "extra" or "high-test." Both were laced with tetra-ethyl lead to keep them from making your engine "ping." You know, lead, like what makes your brain rot.

Guys used to come out and pump your gas for you! (This will not seem remarkable to folks in Oregon, where that is still the law.) These guys who worked at "service stations" (they were called that because they provided all kinds of "service" for your car, not just gas, and the guys who worked there were called "service station attendants," or, if you were being sarcastic, "pump jockeys") wore uniforms! Neat, crisp military-style uniforms with their name on the shirt, and with a cute little cap. And while the gas was filling your tank, they would check the air in your tires, check your oil, check your radiator, check your windshiled wipers, and wash your windshield and other windows. Without being asked! And then say "thank you" to YOU. And then give you saving's stamps** and free road maps as a premium on your purchase. These guys acted like they wanted you as a customer! As if they wanted you to come back again!

Cars had to be "tuned up" every couple of months. The "service station" could do it for you. If you went up or down in altitude more than a few hundred feet in your car, it practically wouldn't run ... you had to get it "tuned up" for the altitude, too. Oil change intervals were 500 miles, later 1500 miles. They could also do this at the "service station," but most did it themselves.

You had to change your antifreeze every season. You didn't put any in the radiator in the warm months, or it would just all evaporate away, and then your car would boil over. You had to be sure to drain your radiator and put antifreeze in before there was any chance of freezing weather, though.

No normal cars had tachometers* or clocks. Many dashboards had no lighting at all. Some cars had guages, like oil pressure, oil temperture, water temperature, battery charge, amps, etc., but most didn't ... just a speedometer and an odometer (and a gas guage, of course.) For a long time, American car designers quit putting in guages altogether, opting for "idiot lights" instead ... passive instruments that were invisible under normal circumstances but lit up when something went wrong. They've mostly gone back to guages, now. I'm not clear whay we need tachometers on cars with automatic transmissions, but that's probably just me.

It was the noteworthy car that lasted one-hundred-thousand miles. A car lasting two or three-hundred-thousand miles was unheard of, except for such exotic beasts as Volvos or Mecedes-benzes. MB used to give out badges for owners to attach to their grilles when their cars accumulated 100,000, 150,000, 200,000 miles, etc., it was such a rarity.

Cleaning bugs off of your windshield was a trial ... nobody had invented nylon-mesh scrubbers or nylon-scubby-back sponges yet. Or "Windex." Your best bet was a terry-cloth rag and vinegar or "Bon-Ami" soap.

Washing your car was not much different than now, but if you did it too often, the paint would come off. Waxing your car was a day-long production requiring lots of stiff paste wax, a shady place to work, and a strong back.

There was no such thing as the interstate highway system. It was two-lane black-top from everywhere to everywhere. There were the Pennsylvania Turnpike and the New Jersey Turnpike, kind of like interstates, but then as now, you had to pay to use them, and later there were the California "Freeways," turnpikes that were "free" to use.

There were no overpasses or underpasses for highway intersections or trains (at least here in the West.) Every train track was a grade crossing, many of them with only a fixed sign as warning, some without even that. Crashes between trains and cars were common. The trains won.

You got a new license plate every year ... the actual, whole, metal plate, not just a sticker. People lined their garage walls with their old license plates. Kept the prisoners busy.

Traffic signal lights at intersections either ran the same all the time (no variable schedules for rush-hours or the middle of the night, and certainly nothing to sense and respond to traffic), or just turned off after dark, leaving the intersection uncontrolled (at least nowadays, these go to flashing red one way and flashing yellow the other way and thus act as a stop sign in off hours.) No such thing as pedestrian crossing lights. No such thing as pedestrian crossing buttons. No such thing as left-turn arrows. One light, center of the intersection (often mounted on a pole on a concrete base right in the middle of the intersection) ... not overhead wires to raise them above trucks, no side-of-road poles with signals for the same purpose, no multiple signals for multiple lanes. Just red, yellow, and green.

Traffic signs weren't reflective. They were impossible to see at night unless your lights were actually shining right at them. As far as road signs went, nothing was in any language except English, and nothing was in any measurement except miles.

Road edges weren't marked with painted lines. In many case, neither were traffic lanes (esp. outside of cities.) Street lights were unheard of outside of downtowns in the biggest cities, and where they had them, they went off after the stores closed. And where they had street lights, they were incandescent lights mounted on low poles, giving off little light.

Road shoulders usually weren't flush with the pavement outside of cities. If your tire rolled off the edge of the pavement, it could (and often did) wrench the driver's steering wheel away from his hands and throw the car out of control.

Streets weren't plowed or sanded in the winter, except for the main streets of big cities. You just waited for the sun to do its thing.

Very few post-war middle-class homes had garages. The norm was to park on the street. My Mom called our street "gasoline alley."

Wow, that was fun! Full fogey.

(* Except race cars.)

(** Savings stamps ... subject for another blog entry.)