RTAH Saturday
MSNBC.com
Scramble to save bases
All your base are belong to us.
Blue-chip stocks fall, muting tech rally
Blue chop sticks fall, mu-shu gai pan.
New light shed on Wendy's finger-in chili case
Boy, I bet Wendy's would like it if they quit calling it Wendy's finger-in-chili case ... in as much as they were the victims!
Newest cancer drugs target tumor growth
Wouldn't you think that would have been the objective all along?
New England towns tied to Naval shipyard
Closure results in one hull of a dislocation.
BBC.co.uk
Fans keep battling against Glazer
Biggest objection: changing club's name to "Manchester United States."
NASA firm on shuttle retirement
Spacecraft will be offered private investment options.
Reuters
School regrets dog vivisection
... but not as much as the dog does.
Rocky Mountain News
Woman tried to aid officer
If that doesn't work, they'll try two women.
AP
Star Wars fans flock to Paris
... behind ultra-light.
USA Today
Can Putin be trusted just eyeballing him?
Is that like "egging" him? Ick!
Space.com
Mystery of Mars' Mixed-Up Poles Solved
They were passengers on streetcar during Solidarity strikes.
RTAH Friday 13th
MSNBC.com
Fast sainthood for late pope?
John Paul II to be designated "the Patron Saint of Speed!"
How to talk to your young kids about sex
An essay by Michael Jackson?
BBC.co.uk
Japan names day after Hirohito
Formerly Wednesday.
NYTimes.com
Judge voids same-sex marriage ban in Nebraska
It's no longer not forbidden to refuse to marry gays.
Pentagon plans fewer base closings than once expected
"Office for Closing of Bases" is the first to go.
Connecticut carries out first execution in 45 years
Home delivery also available.
Great Headline of the Day:
Attention: Deficit Disorder
RTAH Friday
MSNBC.com
D.C. scare analyzed
It's true, Bush is still president!
Fake badges pose risk
"We don't need no stinkin' badges!"
Wal-Mart profit misses target
Well, of course it misses Target ... they're Wal-Mart's profits.
Prostate surgery best choice for men under 65
Do it now! Don't wait to develop disease!
United can shed pensions
Former flight attendants, ticket agents to live out golden years in sheds made of old cans.
Many free credit reports still aren't free
Protesters demand immediate freedom for the "credit report seven."
Scans reveal King Tut's face
Striking resemblence to Steve Martin.
Moms pregnant with boys less forgetful?
Bossy sons coach moms from womb.
NYTimes.com
U.N. nominee asserts independence on intelligence
"I'm not intelligent now, and I never plan to be!"
Off-course plane prompts brief evacuation in the Capitol
Names of those evacuating into their briefs withheld by request.
BBC.co.uk
Jackson abuse rejected by Culkin
"No thanks!" says Home Alone star.
Tough European warning to Iran
"Stop your nuclear program, or we will condemn the U.S. for invading you!"
Britney sued over copyright claim
Charo claims previous rights to brainless bosomy tight-pants bimbo image.
Waggle dance leads bees to nectar
... and guys to strip clubs.
RTAH Tuesday (Late Edition)
NBC.com
Court tosses energy lawsuit against Cheney
It bounces off.
RTAH Tuesday
MSNBC.com
Marines recall body armor
"... seems like we used to have some ..."
Secret of the Space Station's success
No competition.
Astronomers detect creation of black hole
... upon reviewing Federal Budget.
Brain responses differ in gay, straight men
Straight guys' brains perk up at sight of a pretty girl, gay guys, not so much.
BBC.co.uk
EU and Russia forge closer ties
Couldn't afford the real thing.
Egypt votes on new electoral law
Passage would void the election.
Donor calls Howard a 'lame duck'
Howard the Duck reappears in England.
Iron Age shoe unearthed at quarry
Sling-back pump in Mastodon hide, size 18EEEE.
NYTimes.com
Behind failed Abu-Ghraib plea, a tale of breakups and betrayal
Who wants to read a tale of someone's behind failing?
Jockeying intensifies in battle over judicial nominees
Horsing around continues.
Public TV and Radio to receive big grants
Lou Grant and Amy Grant to assist struggling affiliates.
A single standard for terrorists
Oh, yes, for heaven's sake, let's get them to standardize!
RTAH Monday
NYTimes.com
U.S. to spend billions more to alter security systems
Spay or neuter your security system!
A.F.L.-C.I.O. lays off 105, but discord grows louder
Layoffs will continue until complaints stop!
BBC.co.uk
Kabila probes coup plot reports
Say that five times real fast!
India gets new budget airline
Giving new meaning to "getting on the airplane."
Delay hits Mars radar deployment
Senator, under attack, opposes alien microwaves.
Pope vows to uphold tough stance
Will remain in semi-crouch until next Easter.
