RTAH Saturday
MSNBC.com
Colombia police find 'drug sub'
Man dragging it had drowned.
America's new vacation companion: God
He used to take the summer off?
Pope blesses 'worsening' Rainier
and in a related headline ...
NYTimes.com
Spartans put clamps on top-seeded Duke
... even after being chastised by the Pope on his behalf.
AP
California inmate swallows handcuff key
... but it came out all right in the end.
Spring allergies hitting with a vengeance
People made them sneeze last year; this year, it's their turn!
Reuters
Bush decries school rampage; Critics question delay
President felt obliged to make statement lest we think he maybe supports school killings, and his critics feel some of the victims might have been restored to life if he'd been just a bit quicker about it.
RTAH Friday
BBC.co.uk
Army to set up second Rio clinic
Defense Dept. determined to solve Kia dependability problems.
Study will debate monkey future
Will they be allowed to evolve?
India in effort to save vultures
Trump, Milken, Lay, Skilling get legal assistance from New Delhi.
Bad e-mail habits sustains spam
They does?
Protesters oust Kyrgyz government
Citizens demand more vowels.
Fischer leaves Japan for Iceland
Iceland says they have no use for it.
T-Rex fossil has 'soft tissues'
Scraps of Kleenex found in excavation cast doubt on authenticity of dinosaur bones.
Faster supercomputer gets faster
You can't even see those cards moving!
Elephants learn through copying
Reseach shows facts cribbed from neighbors' papers are never forgotten!
MSNBC.com
Bin Laden evaded US
Francisco Franco still dead.
Spaceflight industry ready for takeoff
Warning! Be prepared for many more corny headlines of this type involving the words "launch," "soft (or hard) landing," "out of this world," "in orbit," etc.
Glow of alien planets detected for first time
From here, anyway.
Despite shootings, schools are safer
Gee, just imagine how safe they'd be if troubled kids couldn't get hold of guns!
Giant lobster wins sympathy, liberation
NOL demands lobster sufferage, wages equal to squid.
Durable goods orders weaker than expected
Flimsy goods, on the other hand, are strong!
Scientists grow adult stem cells from nose
Woody Allen recognized as pioneer in field.
Why did Bush let Bin Laden go?
Misunderstood Moses' request.
Pope misses Good Friday
After watching lame "Dragnet" movie.
Octopusses 'walk' on two arms
Not my two, however!
NYTimes.com
In a polarizing case, Jeb Bush cements his political staure
Florida governor takes time out from vote rigging and mucking about with people's relatives' health care to glue sunglasses back together.
RTAH Tuesday
NYTimes.com
Bishops fight death penalty in new drive
Catholics okay with executions, but not in front of their garage, please.
After 5 months' absence, Rehnquist is back in court
Will have to take this year over again.
Big three workers give an inch on health care
"Tiny" Lundeen, "Little Richard" Perkins, and "Sonny" Palazzo go down a belt notch on weight watchers.
BBC.co.uk
Blair shuns US religion politics
"Apparently, he's been posessed by Satan," says Bush.
UK 'world's biggest music buyer'
Brits favor EP's and club mixes.
Rise of zombie PC's 'threatens UK'
Telltale sign: they sprout little legs under the motherboard.
MSNBC.com
U.S. in talks to settle with tobacco firms
Ooh, deja vu!
Scientist at center of Mars flap speaks out
NASA probes send back recording of lab-coated alien.
Making God your money manager
Deposits are easy; it's the withdrawals that are tough. Also, I've called him any number of times, but he never answers the phone.
NBC.com
Why America's love affair with SUV's may be coming to an end
1) There is no place left that is "off road."
2) Drivers keep glancing at passing sports cars.
2) It's stalled because the 'spark' has gone out of it.
RTAH Monday
BBC.co.uk
Bush bids to save feed-tube woman
... on eBay.
Israel confirms settlement growth
... and schedules surgery to have it removed.
Namibian founding father replaced
Can we do that?
Australian MP loses long-lost son
This guy's apparently just a butter-fingers.
US stands by India visa decision
... but does not recommend a Diners' Club card.
Asian river dolphins 'threatened'
... then rumbled.
Jewel beetle flies into the inferno
Pop singer loses control of VW, pluges into volcano.
MSNBC.com
U.S. gas prices hit record
50 cent releases "Three Dollars."
Banishing doggie breath and more
Relax! Only bad doggie breath, that is!
Cell phones may present health risks for kids
They tend to drive into walls while using them.
NBC.com
Inflation fears drive down stocks
Shares of goose-feather-filled clothing manufacturers soar.
NYtimes.com
Rice sounds a theme in visit to Beijing Protestant church
... and the choir vamps from there.
The music goes on Side A, and the flip side is a DVD
... plus the edge can be used as a Skil saw blade!
RTAH Monday
NYTimes.com
Government report on U.S. aviation warns of security holes
They're kinda like "panic rooms."
Lebanon needs to react first for Syria to exit, Envoy says
Entire nation will attend Actors' Studio with James Lipton.
Bush to permit trading of credits to limit Mercury
1) W.H. attempts to sink car company.
2) W.H. defends planet with sanctions.
Rice on a run for president: No, Nyet, Nein
Okay, if not U.S., Russia, or Germany how about a big "Si" for Mexico?
Mining the 3rd dimension for bigger profits
Flat-out amazing!
BBC.co.uk
Pirates storm Indonesian tanker
Desperate ball players demand Carribean cruise.
Pakistan denies centrifuge report
It's been going around for some time now.
Doctors arrested for militant links
Army medics boots tear up fairways.
Public 'must engage with science'
Public would rather elope.
