RTAH Saturday
BBC.co.ukSyria 'to announce troop shift'Soldiers to wear new camo A-line.Jackson was 'like father' to boyUnfortunately, it was Father Geoghan.MSNBC.comHostage shot by U.S. back homeAgain? They followed her home?Patient survives doctor-assisted suicide attemptSues for malpractice.Moon probe could kill conspiracy theoryNew Zapruder films found in crater.NYTimes.comPro and con line up as Bush presses Social Security effortW.H. recruits hooker, prisoner to chat up plan.F.B.I. agents seize letters from supremacist's friendRacist activities hampered by lack of "N" and "R."F.D.A. seizes millions of pills from pharamaceutical plantWell, yeah! They couldn't really seize them from a video store, could they?Classy Headline of the Day:New York Post (Editorial Page):Kicking Assad and Taking Names
RTAH Friday
BBC.co.uk
UK warns Syria of 'pariah' status
"You wouldn't want to be a 'pariah' like the U.S.!"
Bush makes rare Bin Laden pledge
More like placing his order, also asks for side of fries.
NYTimes.com
Fed's chief gives consumption tax cautious backing
Hopes taxpayers will cough up the dough.
China worries about economic surge that skips the poor
Bush says "Works great here!"
Strivers sharpen their No. 2's for a different test for college
Then ask to be excused to go No. 1.
Bush denies that private accounts are in serious trouble
"It's more of a kinda cheerful trouble!"
Brazil passes law allowing crops with modified genes
Clone Krupa and Kelly will be issued jockey's whips.
Chinese censors and web users match wits
Sometime opponents join in auto da fe of comedians.
AP
U.S. forces wound freed hostage in Iraq
Spring-operated hostage activated by Army.
Brazilian, 125, may be oldest woman
1) Can't quite recall if she's a woman or a man.
2) Authorities to confirm in a couple of years.
3) Is granted permission.
Syria will pull back troops
Front troops will stay where they are.
Reuters
Syria poised to announce Lebanon pullback
Shows great aplomb.
NPR
Bush taps acting administrator to head EPA
Head thespian also an environmental expert.
RTAH Thursday
NYTimes.com
New poll finds Bush priorities are out of step with Americans
Well, sure. It's supposed to be "left, right, left, right," not "right, right, right, right!"
Derelict plants are crippling Iraq's petroleum industry
Untended Hanging Gardens strike back!
Security chief promises more money to protect likely targets
Okay, I agree ... but let 'em get the Wal-Marts and K-Marts.
New tug of war over excess pension cash
Geez, we used to have our tugs-of-war over a mud puddle!
Drinking tests becoming part of school day
No child left sober.
MSNBC.com
U.S. trains vulnerable to terror
You'd think the vulnerable would get terror on their own.
OPEC chief: Can't rule out $80 oil spike
It'll never sell - you have to pound it into your car with a hammer.
Rice looking at Iran incentive options
1) Carrot: Possible trade advantages
2) Stick: Possible land invasion
3) Carrot: Financial aid
4) Stick: Fine nuclear weapons demonstration
RTAH Tuesday
NYTimes.com
Lebanon's pro-Syria government is dissolved after protests
Help us, we're melting!
A spotty record of health care at juvenile sites in New York
Measles, probably.
Jackson prosecutor tells of abuse and conspiracy
... but back to the trial.
Gonzales lays out his priorities at Justice Dept.
With sucker-punch left hook.
Syria turns over top insurgent, Iraqis say
Nicely cooked on that side!
MSNBCNews.com
Pope said to regain voice
Self-guided therapy.
Life expectancy in U.S. hits record high
But just because of that one 700-year-old woman.
BBC.co.uk
'No more concessions' on terror
Need to leave room for food and souvenier vendors.
RTAH Wednesday
NYTimes.com
In N.F.L., musical chairs begins
See below ...
MSNBCNews.com
Data suggest obesity is rampant in N.F.L.
Maybe it's because their idea of a workout is "musical chairs?"
BBC.co.uk
US court bans juvenile executions
Like drowning by squirtgun or rubber-band firing squad.
Japan's leprosy policy denounced
That could only be because they're for it?!
Europeans join US in rapping Iran
1) Christo and Jeanne-Claude hired
2) Mack de Kojn and 50 cent hired
Pakistan rejects pro-women bill
Clinton returns to U.S. in defeat.
Dead heat for Galileo companies
Stalked by zombie cops?
RTAH Sunday
NYTimes.com
Mubarak pushes Egypt to allow freer elections
Strains back.
Within CIA, growing worry of prosecution for conduct
Old days were spookier, but not as scary.
Afghans accuse US of secret spraying to kill poppies
Poppies? Oh, that's okay. At first, I thought you said puppies!
Bush's next target: Malpractice lawyers
Because it suits him.
How to save Medicare? Die sooner
Yikes!
BBC.co.uk
Saddam's half-brother 'captured'
Identified by toe-prints and wallet i.d.
Two killed as film festival opens
1) Seats really hard to come by!
2) Accused: "I was framed!"
3) Inadequate "screenings?"
Japan blasts longest land tunnel
Tunnel an ugly waste of money, emperor says.
U-turn claim on anti-terror laws
Justice: "We have to charge 'em with something!"
Anti-wind farm report dismissed
Sucks.
MSNBCNews.com
When beauty, fame and cash aren't enough
We've all been there!
Model airplanes are the real stars of "The Aviator"
Not just props any more.
Martha Stweart set to return home
Set? I thought there was just the one.
AP
Man accused of having relations with cows
I do, too. Karen's uncle owns about a dozen.
RTAH Monday
MSNBCNews.com
Northeast braces for snow storm
Weather travels to Boston to be fitted for prosthetics.
Federated to buy May for $11 billion
Inquire now! Prime months still available.
Oil prices hover above $51 a barrel
Mysterious whirlwinds keep receipts aloft.
Anti-tobacco treaty comes into force
Desperate to avoid draft, administration recruits lawsuits.
BBC.co.uk
Lebanon protesters defy rally ban
Local variant of Taliban takes setback in stride.
NYTimes.com
Will stunts of sweep months sober up?
Short janitors show no signs of ending binge.
What's secretly wrong with Kansas
(It's really flat.)
AP
Ancient earth drawings found in Peru
Will be useful for judging speed of continental drift.
RTAH Special Edition
RTAH Special Edition
Another recommendation for the refined aesthetic tastes of elite RTAH readers:
