Sunday, December 21, 2008

Englishampoo as a Second Language

One of the fun parts of taking a shower is reading the shampoo and conditioner bottles.


These people use English words in a whole new, creative way.  One of the concepts shampoo science has focused on apparently is filling empty hair.  Every hair-care product promises "fuller hair."

I remember seeing heads with really full hair in the 1960's:


This style, which I admit to actually trying out myself briefly, seemed to fall into disfavor for many years, although it now seems to be making something of a comeback.  I would describe this as "a head of full hair," but I somehow doubt that this is really what the shampoo cartels are promising us.

Possibly, they intend to provide "a head full of hair?"  No, that can't be right ... I've had that feeling, too:



Surely, this isn't what shampoo makers intend to bring us?

Maybe it's a "full head of hair?:



I'm sure this is a ready market, but I don't really imagine many would expect a mere shampoo to accomplish such miracles (I'm assuming the bigger picture is the "after" ... if not, my apologies.)

I understand that polar bears' coats are made up of hollow tubes of clear protein that effectively serve as light guides to conduct sunlight from the outside world down to the bears' skin. Technically, this would qualify as "hollow hair," not empty hair, so that can't be the target customer.

The shampoo bottle gives us a clue when it portrays the condition it is intended to rectify as a guide to which of the bewildering variety of shampoos one should buy.  Mine says it is intended for those with "fine or flat" hair.  I had flat hair, too, when I was a pre-teen.  It was even called a "flat-top!"  But I really doubt a mere shampoo would have de-flattened it.

Karen's shampoo says it provides "fullness" and also "volume," which is apparently a different quality, for those with "flat or oily" hair.  Now we're getting somewhere.  Oily I understand.  So, "full" hair is apparently "unoily!"  Which is to say ... clean.  What a concept!

My shampoo had another excellent quality:

"The right tool to clean and condition - for less than more expensive brands!"

Imagine that!  It cleans my hair at a cost which is less than shampoos which cost more!  Wow!

Well, I'm fresh out of exclamation points right now, but trust me, the shampoo labels aren't, so, I'll be back with more, later.

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